This is what you get

Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together
But we're not
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I keep it cool but I'm fiendin.
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear,
My world crumbles when you are not near

i really don't know what the hell am i supposed to do anymore. i've tried to make it right and it doesn't seem to be working out. i can't commit to anybody, not even to myself, but still i'm trying to feel fine about me and it's not happening. i want to be dedicated to my life my friends my family my carreer my stuff but all i can do is get messy and play confused, i really don't know what am i doing. i won't say i regret anything, i don't regret a single thing, i'm having a good time, i'm satisfied, i'm free. but there's a price to it. and i don't know if i'm willing to pay it. i mean, i got no other choise, i have already picked the side i'm playing on, but i never knew this could have turn out this way. and you know i feel this way cause what i had this past eight months, i have never had it, and it wasn't like anything i've ever known. the thing is, i did not broke up cause i stopped loving him, just because i wasn't working out, and even if i imagine everything turning out so well, i'm not entirely willing to give the best of me. but that doesn't mean i forgot everything, it doesn't mean i don't want to still live that experience, doesn't mean at all i stopped loving. i'm so confused, but i know i can't go back cause i can't make a promise i know i'll break. i'll break that promise of faithfullness, of fidelity, of trust. i can't make someone trust me, if i know i'm gonna betray that trust. but it hurts to see what you love passing by, to see that everything is falling apart and you can't do anything cause your soul is not up to that kind of sentiment. it's hurting me, it's hurting everyone, and it's confusing me more and more as time keeps passing, but it's useless, i'm helpless, powerless, i'm broken apart.

And for a minute there, i lost myself.